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4 Core Values That Foster Good Relationships

In our personal and professional relationships, a set of basic core values serves to guide our relationships, whether parenting, partners, or friends. In the world of relationships, these four values are words of action, not just a mental representation of some nice thing. Since values are abstract to many people, here is the way adults in relationships can make values work with your friends, children, colleagues or lovers. See these values as sequenced strategies to repairing relationships.

Connection – to be linked or bonded to another person or people.

When a child is born, the bonding process involves touch, empathy and positive regard. Empathy is established through eye contact with the baby, which programs the brain to recognize, connect, and feel the parent or caregiver. Empathy and positive regard for the child are also connected through conversation, cuddling, holding, movement (walking and rocking). When a parent treat and speaks to the babe or toddler with kindness, softness, love, tenderness, the child feels valued and develops an emotional foundation for feeling safe, cherished, respected, cared for. Our bodies grow and change, and out human needs for attachment to a loving person and bonding to establish feelings of connection do not change.

Think of the most horrible anguish a child can experience: feeling abandoned, feeling tiny and disrespected through being yelled at, treated like an object, dismissed, hit, screamed at, and threatened. These are emotional memories in the making that will hijack this child as an adult.

Do you think adults feel any different? Each person’s core needs are to be met, and when not met, the pattern for emotional abandonment is triggered. You are hardwired for relationships and feeling connected is a priority for communication and commitment.

Question for Your Review: HOW do you feel connected to those most important relations?

Communication - as a value, communication is more than sending a message or conversing. As a value, this means to be in rapport with someone is to be aligned.

Being aligned in the gut with each other helps you feel safe. Being aligned in the heart with each other helps you feel loved or valued. Being aligned in the head with each other implies no judgment, acceptance and the ability to share, argue, debate, and plan without taking it personally.

To be in rapport means you

·      Can disagree without being disagreeable,

·      Make an effort to control your emotional hijacking and not dump on another,

·      Can move away from the need to be right and shift to listening, being open or reflective

·      Can be objective, even while being emotional.

            Question for Your Review: HOW high do you rank communication as a core value in your relationships? We suggest you make it number 1 on your values list for one month and cultivate this quality within yourself. See how your relations improve.

Courage - to be brave – to have guts, audacity, valor, going forth or moving ahead despite fear

We believe that relationships absolutely requires guts, especially for you types that love harmony, peace, and not making waves, or you who love to escape pressures of modern relationships. Others need courage to face the world, step into and participate actively in their relationships. And others can be fearless, so you might not believe that you need courage. You might be right in that your achievements speak to bravery, but do you need more courage to be sensitive in your relationships, where you dismiss sensitivity and feelings.

Even if you feel like a total wimp, frightened or like a doormat, list courage as a value. Each morning, repeat your mantra of courage in action.

·      I am courage in action.

·      I have courage to face…

·      I see courage in my eyes.

·      My act of courage to day will be…

Question for your review – How are you courageous in facing your fears and moving through any emotional hijacking situations?

Commitment – to pledge or promise to follow through, accepting a responsibility

Some people might take commitment more lightly than their partner or child would like. That is because you might make promises that you can’t keep in a reasonable length if time. Some people get caught up in their actions and visions and planning. Others get overwhelmed and put promises on the backburner. While others shift priorities like the wind and may even forget if you are out of their sight and out of mind.

This happens because all of you have good intentions. You make commitments fully intending to keep them, but…life happens. Those to whom you commit can only assume you have forgotten unless you take some sort of action like communicate, make an action plan or settle on a date for delivery.

When you forget the promise, the person in relation to you can feel disrespected and devalued. If that is not the result that you want in your relationships, then add a timeline to the commitment that you make.

Responsibility, then, is the twin to Commitment and means that you can be counted on, depended upon to follow through, complete the task or commitment, and be accountable for doing so.

Assessment of these core 4 values in your relationships provides a compass for you to be authentic and aware enough to fully enjoy and be fulfilled.

What Is Happening?

I am getting so depressed over all of the Hollywood breakups! Not that it really has anything to do with my life or anything, but gosh, as a matchmaker, a real life cupid....... well, I like to believe in true love, the kind that lasts forever.  My jaw dropped when I read that Heidi & Seal are filing for divorce. They are the ultimate power couple with the most beautiful family.

 Now it seems that Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis are splitting. They have been together over a decade and have two children together. I think they are probably the most beautiful couple physically. And how romantic, Captain Sparrow and his French Chanteuse. 

Many of the Hollywood couples have been together a long time, have children and seem to be over the moon happy, then whamo ! we find out it's over. I think that there are two major factors that make Hollywood couples marriages difficult to maintain. The first one is the fact that they spend a lot of time apart to work on projects, movies, concerts, etc. And the second challenge is that women tend to throw themselves at the men celebs and a lot of them just cannot resist the temptation and at some point break down and partake in the offerings.

I'll really lose it if I hear that Angie & Brad are splitting.  
With Valentine's Day fast approaching, this cupid can't take anymore. Please guys, hold off till next year.

How Do You Make a Good Impression over the Phone?

For those of you going through a matchmaking service, your first contact with your match will be over the phone. This conversation is very important. It can determine whether or not you end up meeting at all. Unfortunately, many people are eliminated within the first few minutes of a phone call. I know that it can be daunting and a bit nerve-wracking to make contact with a stranger and at the same time try to be charming and make a good impression since your soul mate could be on the other end of the line. Here are a few tips to help make your first conversation go smoothly.

First, realize that the other person on the line might be a bit nervous and not really representing his or her true personality. Try to keep the conversation short so that when you do meet, you will have lots to talk about. Try to sound happy to hear from your match and excited about meeting. I have heard countless complaints from clients that their match seemed preoccupied, uninterested or too busy to give them the time of day. If you are really serious about meeting someone special to spend your life with, treat everyone with respect and in the way that you would hope to be treated.

I had a man tell me that he called his match, and when she answered the phone, she seemed kind of monotone and uninterested, asked him to call back later and quickly got off the phone. When I spoke with her and asked if she was indeed interested in speaking with and meeting this gentleman, she replied, “Oh, absolutely! It’s just that when he called, I was in the middle of a business meeting, so I couldn’t talk.” There are ways of letting a guy know that this is not a good time to talk without squashing his hopes! You can always say, “Hello, Jim. Wonderful to hear from you! I am right in the middle of a meeting, but look forward to speaking with you. What time would be good to call you back?”

One of the funniest ones I’ve heard was from a gal who returned a guy’s call. They had a ten-minute conversation but she felt that he was not too interested, his voice was so low and he seemed preoccupied. When I spoke to him, he told me that he was speaking that way because he was in a library. Well, he failed to communicate that with her!

Phone tag seems to be a problem these days as well. Everyone is so busy that it is easy to keep missing each other. I have heard about people playing phone tag for weeks without ever connecting. How frustrating! A lot of people figure that it’s a lost cause, give up and ask for another match. Not always a good idea. That could have been the perfect person for you. My remedy for phone tag is simple: leave a message for your match with a few possible times that you will be available to talk, have them choose one and leave you a message with the time, and voila! You have a date!

What Single Girls Say

From Fizzle to Sizzle – The Relationship Virtual Conference of the Year

 You Are Hardwired for Relationships, but Not Taught How to Be in Relationship

As an intimate partner, you may be required to have empathy, compassion, clarity of viewpoint, fun, sexiness, and even be silent when necessary. Can you match up?

As a parent, you are expected to nurture, play, be available to meet all of your child’s needs, stay connected even through the roughest years, display emotional resilience, and provide leadership for life success, among other expectations that arise with a child’s ages and stages. Can you keep up?

As a colleague, others expect your respect, competence, professional feedback, the ability to analyze, deliver results and keep emotional distance. Can you hold up?

Long-term relationships tend to get a little stale for some couples. Trying to meet everyone’s expectations can leave you fizzled out emotionally.

Going from Fizzle to Sizzle is Easy!

We created this conference because we want you to enjoy and cherish every moment of your relationship with your partner, spouse, child, or friend.

You’ll be amazed when you realize how simple it is to repair relationships and reconnect to others through love and joy. Based on Fizzle to Sizzle, the relationship book of the year, this telesummit will help bring back the sizzle into any relationship.

• You need this conference if you want to recapture the romance in your relationship.
• You need this conference if you want to know how to maintain a deeper connection and bond with others.
• You’ll want to sign up to learn more about whether your match is out there and an update on soul mates. Weigh in..are they real or not?

All of the fantastic presenters on this 5-week telesummit have shared the pain and drain of loss, lack of sensitivity, and major transitions like divorce. We have survived and found love again. We will show you how to

• Fall in love all over again with yourself, your spouse, your teen or your toddler.
• Find the partner of your dreams.
• Improve communication and connection in all of your relationships.
• Approach challenging times with integrity and resolve.
• Know how to repair any relationship at home or at work.

Join us for the Preview Call February 2nd to learn about the Contest

In the preview call on February 2, authors Dr. Caron Goode & Dr. Minette Riordan will share 2 of their 8 steps to easy relationship repair, announce the Relationship Contest, which runs February & March 2012, and discuss the prizes and giveaways to celebrate sizzling relationships. 

Get Inspired Like Never Before!

I love motivational speakers. I am a fan of many. One of my top favorites is Les Brown. If you are not familiar with him, you need to be. I aspire to be like him one day. I got to see him speak for the second time at the Beverly Hills Country Club the other night. He is so inspirational. And funny! He has a radio show Mon-Fri. It is off the hook! Check out the details HERE.

Happy Birthday Rod Stewart!

I fell in love with Rod Stewart when I was 14 years old.. waaaay  back in the 70's.

I got the chance to meet him twice over the years and he was so charming and gracious. 

He is still sexy and going strong. 

Happy Birthday!!!!